Christmas 2012
People of most religious faiths celebrate light around this time of year, largely because we find so much darkness in our lives. The power of darkness is a constant struggle and sometimes seems to overcome the light. Most religious faith recognizes the power of darkness and reaches to a God of love and hope. The message of the season of light is always made more present to us when God speaks through one another as in this special.
Some time ago, the Church Council on Justice and Corrections working with Meagan O’Shea and participants who shared their stories while offering individual squares reflecting their stories produced a quilt about the impact of violent crime. Here is the story behind one of these squares. The pain pulses through the words, and serves to identify the unintended victims who are often silenced by the criminal justice process. For the picture of the quilt go to http://ccjc.ca/practice/justice-storytelling-quilt .
(Square #28 from the beginning; row five, fourth square from the left – Deceased daughter’s favourite symbols- how she signed her name. Hope is for their son. The fabric is from their baby cribs.
“ She sat down, she said ‘there’s no easy way to say this… you have a daughter Tracy?’ and I said ‘Yeah,’ she said ‘she’s dead. She’s been killed’ Tracy’s 15, Craig turned, well Craig’s birthday’s July, so he was very close to being 18. Craig killed Tracy in the morning. He came back in the house, when he saw her as he left her, he lost it, and he went across to the neighbors and told the neighbor to phone the police. Lawyers told Craig, ‘don’t talk to your parents, don’t tell them anything because that will hurt your case.’ I said to him ‘You know Craig, we will support you as much as we can. Your our son, we love you, that’s not going to change, but you need to tell the truth and you need to tell us and you need to tell the police exactly what happened. That’s what we need you to do. If you don’t do that, I can’t support you, you’re out of the family.’ Against his lawyer’s wishes, he pleaded guilty to the judge. And his lawyer was not happy with him but he stood up and did it. If you know court procedure, they have prosecutor and defense. And depending on where you sit in the courtroom is how they perceive your opinion. So we’d go in the morning and we sit on the right-hand side, we go out for break, we’d come in and we’d sit on the left-hand side, go out for break, come in and sit on the right-hand side. I don’t know that jail is a good place for people to be. So far what I’ve seen is it’s not a very good place for people to be. They’re not about healing or coming to any kind of reconciliation or having families and people feel like you can be making moves to becoming families again. ‘Cause to this day, Craig and Dan and I, we have not been able to sit down, the three of us, and actually face-to-face say, ‘So, what when on? What’s this all about? What happened?’ I never felt anger, just bewilderment… that’s a good word… confusion… big time hurt… never anger. I can’t be angry at a lost soul. In the very, very beginning, it was very clear, to most people. I guess the way it was phrased was, ‘You’ve lost both your kids.’”
Ed’s note: In this situation a healing circle was held to respond to these needs and it was effective in helping the teen and his family re-enter the community.
On returning to family…
Some time ago, Lorraine Berzins, our co-chair, gave a presentation to a group of trial judges about a young offender and the parameters of violent crime. The focus was the frequent absence of a full picture of the ripple effect of violent crime. SJN is pleased to be able to offer you a still often forgotten side of violent crime. We quote from the presentation to contextualize the circumstances faced by the silent victims of violent crime: family and friends. The young man in question here is not related to either the first or the third part of our special.
“About this young offender who was involved in a frightening stabbing attempt at his school. He has finished his closed custody sentence, is now on probation and continuing psychiatric treatment, and the justice system expects that this is enough for the community to accept him back without fear or anger. He has` paid his debt’. The job is done.
But how is the community supposed to cope with his living among them again. How will they know if they are safe, if he is sorry, if they can trust him again? What is likely to happen to him, and his family, if he just gets feared, and ostracized, and scapegoated for the rest of his life?
What effects does this continue to have on his already traumatized victims – the one he tried to stab, the students who saw, all the parents and neighbours who heard about it? Or on the whole sense of safety in that community and school, on its real protection from him in the future? Or on others who perhaps are also a potential threat, and are in this community that is now full of suspicion and fear and remains unable to talk openly about dealing with such problems among its young people?
What if he just moves away from that community? Will he have to run from the memories all his life? Can he ever heal? Can the community he left ever heal? Yes, he `paid his debt’ but the job of ‘justice’ is certainly not done, from our point-of-view, – not for the victims, not for the community, not for the offender and his family.”
A dialogue in the season of light…
Some of you may recall last year’s Christmas special from a mother whose most fervent wish for her son was a ‘Gentle, peaceful healing.” SJN went back to the mom and asked her about recent developments. She has offered us a dialogue with another mom around the re-entry concerns. A’s son was released in April but D’s son is still incarcerated. There is more than a lifetime’s pain between these two moms but there is also a generous dose of love and hope. We offer you, dear moms and you, dear readers, perhaps fellow sufferers, this expression of love and hope with our profound esteem and blessings for your struggle.
What is the current situation with your son?
A: He was released on parole in April this year. He is currently in a halfway house, is employed full-time, and working hard to get his life back on track.
D: Knowing that it was his 2/3 (mandatory release date) and he was coming up for parole, there was an element of anticipation that he could be home in January. We were going to hold off Christmas until he got home. If he stayed for the rest of his sentence because the programming would be beneficial for him, then we want that for him. However, it was denied with no guarantee that he will get the program that he needs. All that hope, the heaviness came back and I had to realign my thinking. Now there is another undefined time.
How is your family managing at this time of year?
A: There is excitement here for us, first time in five years I get to buy presents for him! We will be together for our family celebration and we are looking forward to it. There is still some relationship repair that needs to be done with siblings, so it will have its challenges. We are hopeful.
D: It’s not like it’s just Christmas that’s difficult, it is like this everyday, for every holiday or family get together. There is something that’s just not right. You feel guilty for having the excitement of the occasion. The joy that you do have is less than what it could be.
What is the most difficult thing for you?
A: It will be the first time in five years that he will be seeing all his aunts, uncles and cousins from out of town. Although we have discussed the awkwardness of the situation, we can’t anticipate how it will go until we are there together. It is the element of the unknown, how emotions may play out. We’ll see.
D: There’s that empty spot. You go around the table and it’s a daily reminder of what he’s done. It’s not that he’s away on a trip. The separation shows the gravity of what he has done. Things will never be the same.
What is the most difficult thing for your son?
A: I asked him this question tonight. And true to his positive, one day at a time attitude, he said, “Well, nothing really right now. I just like looking at the (Christmas) lights.”
D: He said to me that because we do a lot as a family, he misses seeing the excitement on the little kids’ faces. He has never met two of his nephews.
What is your Christmas wish for your son?
A: To have friends.
D: To find that peace and to hang in there because he will be coming home. Even though there has been lost time, we are still going to be here.
SJN blessing for the season…
May the season of light fill our days, and restore us in the darker times, and may love and hope, even when battered deeply, ever triumph in its return to us and our children.